Benares - 1998

I had been thinking about another trip to India in 1998 or 1999. When my partner and I decided to have a commitment ceremony in 1998, we planned that trip to India together. (At the time, I was unaware that this was her first vacation of more than one week, and also her first time out of the country.... nothing like a couple of weeks in *India* for your maiden voyage... )

I had loved Benares, and decided to take April to Delhi, Benares, and Agra - pretty much the same route as my first trip in 1996. We gatewayed into Delhi, then flew to Benares the following day. Took a cab to our hotel. At the hotel, waiting for us... my driver from the first trip, Prakash. We had corresponded only a few times over the intervening years, but were very happy and excited to meet again.

That hotel was not a happy experience -- the room smelled terribly of mold/mildew, and it was obvious that we would not be able to stay there. So the next morning we sallied forth in Prakash's autorickshaw, in search of a hotel down near the Ganges. Looked at a couple of places which would not have worked for us. Then tried a hotel way downriver at Assi Ghat - the Hotel Temple on Ganges at Assi Ghat. Pretty close to perfect. We booked a room -- view of the Ganges, Indian style bathroom (*that* was a challenge), very clean. Prakash let it be known that he was not at all happy with this decision, and I was never able to get him to articulate *why* he objected to that particular hotel. Most mornings I got up very early, and from our little balcony, watched the sun rising over the Ganga. (This is a very blissful thing to be doing, if you're me.) The hotel had a very basic little restaurant... just a couple of tables for guests of the the hotel. But we could get breakfast there, which was good.

The great cricket infestation... one day we woke up, and there were crickets pretty much everywhere .... an unbelievable number of crickets. This lasted about three days, and then they vanished as quickly as they had appeared.

Diwali came... and we went shopping. The shopwallas were VERY excited to have us in the shops on Diwali, since we were thought to bring good luck. Each would offer us a sweet - sweets which had in most cases been sitting out on a plate, open to dust and flies and whatever. And we would smile and accept the sweet. Our mantra became "Don't think about it... just eat it." Over that week, the mantra was generalized to "Don't think about it... just do it."

I particularly appreciated my connection with Prakash on Diwali -- it was lovely to take gifts out to his family on the holiday. I had brought a watch for him, and backpacks filled with school materials for his kids, and cosmetics for his wife. Prakash's sister-in-law had just had a baby boy -- they handed me that baby and asked me to name him. (! ! !, I thought.) I named him Amrit - "nectar" -- which made them all beam. I have a picture of me holding this tiny infant, standing in front of Prakash's doorway. I know now that Indian kids have many names, and this was mostly a gesture they family was making to honor me... but I still got a kick out of the experience.

We bought sparklers, and that evening we went to the courtyard outside the hotel and had a great time sharing the sparklers with some of the children who lived in the courtyard.

Pilgrims flock to the gold-domed Visvanath Temple around Diwali, and I wanted to join them. Non-Hindus are not allowed in the temple. (This is true in many of the Hindu temples in India.) So April and I found the LONG line of devotees, and got into line. Within minutes, a soldier came over to me and gestured me out of line, since this line was only for Hindus. Pretty much exhausting my Hindi, I told him Nahin, mai(n) Hindu hun(g).... "No, I am Hindu." He insisted. I insisted. He looked more than a little puzzled, but finally backed off. A few minutes later, we repeated the experience. And again. And again. After the Nth time, a middle aged Indian man in front of me in the line took up my cause... and each time a soldier/guard tried to remove me from the line, he told them in fluent Hindi that I should stay there, because I really was a Hindu. I thanked him many times! April stayed with me for a long time, but she does not consider herself Hindu... so after a while, we agreed on a meeting place and she left the line. She took my shoes and hers with her... and remember the crickets? I was walking barefoot on a veritable carpet of crickets. (Don't think about it.. just keep walking.)

Finally we entered the temple grounds, winding our way through a series of alleys. I was happy to note that the soldier guards were gone by then, so I was not hassled in the line! We came into the temple, and each devotee had just a few seconds in front of the sanctum, where priests were worshipping the Shiva lingam. I stood there for my few seconds, awestruck... and then one of the priests pointed to the rudrasksha mala I was wearing around my neck (sort of a Hindu rosary... one says mantra on the 108 beads, and I have worn those beads since the 1980s), and gestured that I should hand it to him. I did... and he blessed it by wrapping it around the lingam, and then returned it to me.

I walked out of the temple with two primary feelings - I was totally blissful, and I was utterly lost. I had *no* idea how to get to my meeting place with April. My lovely defender and guardian from the long waiting line saw me standing there in bliss and befuddlement, and asked in Hindi where I was going -- I gave him the name of the place in the local market - and he (may God bless him *very* much for his ongoing kindness to me!) took me briskly through a snarl of walkways and alleys and tiny streets... and delivered me right to April at our meeting place.

That day remains one of my most precious memories of India.

Agra and Fatepuhr Sikri

From Varanasi, back to Delhi. I traveled to Agra by train - a one day trip. This turned out to have been *way* too much for one day!!! The train ride was uneventful, as are most Indian train trips. Again, my name was right where it was supposed to be on the printed list. Was met by a driver in Agra, and we went to the Taj. We have all seen the pictures - over and over and over again - but I was still a bit overwhelmed by the reality of being there. I was perfectly happy to sit at the side for a long time and just be there... watching the people. This was my first experience of Indian families wanting to take my picture, which has now happened to me a number of times. First, someone comes up looking almost beseechingly and gesturing to their camera, indicating that they want to take a picture. I am confused as to *why* they might want to do that, but I agree... and then from nowhere the entire family appears and jumps to my side so that we can all have our picture taken together. It's a very strange phenomenon. I suspect that "this is my American friend" happens with some of those pictures!

In the afternoon, we drove to Fatepuhr Sikri, an ancient and deserted city. I'm usually not so much for old archeological stuff, but actually found this fascinating.

Then back to Agra. By then it was very late in the afternoon, and I was just exhausted. The driver turned on the charm, wanting to take me to his uncle's shop or factory or whatever. I declined. He insisted. I declined. He insisted some more. If memory serves, I was only able to end that scene by being pretty harsh with him. He dropped me at one of the nicer Western-style hotels, where I sat in the lobby for an hour or two until train time - and actually fell asleep sitting up. (This was more than unusual behaviour for me - I was *really* tired.) Then back to Delhi. The train part was fine - but it would have been worth paying for two hotels for one night - ie leaving most of my stuff in Delhi and just taking an overnight bag to Agra. Just way too much for one day!

In Delhi, spent a lot of time walking around Connaught Place. I was just so happy to be in India... it did not even matter much what I actually did, which placed I actually visited. It was just lovely being there.

From Delhi back to Boston, with a heart filled with Indian memories.

Varanasi, Benares, Kashi

So there I was, on a train to Benares -- very tired from the long trip from the US. (And on that first trip to India, unaware of the need for a buffer day between disembarking from the plan, and embarking on the next stage of the adventure.) The train ride was uneventful ... I slept for much of the time. When I was awake, stared happily at the passing landscape... "I'm in India... I'm in India... I'm in India.... "

Arrived in Varanasi around dinner time -- straight to the hotel. The Hotel Paris is a little rundown, but clean. Very safely located in the Cantonment, along with the other, more upscale Western-style hotels. On that first trip to India, staying in an Indian-style hotel close to the river was just beyond me. The hotel room was not luxurious, but huge and clean and airy and just fine for me.

The next day... I took a cab into Varanasi, and told the driver that I needed to have Indian clothing made. He took me to a fabric/tailor shop -- and was visibly taken aback when I told him not to wait for me. I spent a long time in the fabric shop. It's quite an experience... the shopwallas take down bolt after bolt of gorgeous fabric (or saris - but that day I was shopping for fabric), flipping each bolt out to display several yards of fabric. I chose some lovely silks, and the shopwalla said that they would "take care of the stitching." I arranged to have the finished salwaar kameez delivered to my hotel, and leaving the shop, set off on foot. For a few blocks, I was happily just looking at the people and the little shops and the animals and... and... I'm in India! I'm in India! But then the neighborhood seemed to be more autoparts than anything else... and I was getting very tired. I spotted a stand of autorickshawwallas by a small hotel, and the first guy in line took me back to my hotel. He seemed pleasant, and had at least some English, so I asked him whether he would be available to drive me the following day. This turned out really well for me. In the morning, he would be waiting for me. He took me to many temples, various other tourist sites, shops, etc. around Benares. When I would wander off to explore an area, Prakash (and many other drivers) would just hang out and wait. Sleep. Tell stories. Smoke. Wait some more.

We also spent a whole lot of time down by the Ganges. Prakash took me to Kedar Ghat - not a big tourist attraction, so not crowded. His friend was the local chai-wallah. We spent hours sitting at Kedar Ghat, talking some. He helped me practice my devanagari. We chanted to Ganesh. (We knew the same chant... Jai Ganesha, Jai Ganesha, Jai Ganesha deva... Mata jaki Parvati, pita Mahadeva.). It was very sweet.

Toward the end of my stay, I wore a sari when Prakash picked me up. We headed for the Ganges so that I could bathe. So I started down toward the water... and I was unsure of my footing where the steps went into the water ... and the water was *cold* .... and I was suddenly all too aware of the amount of pollution and bacteria in Ma Ganga near Benares.... and I hesitated. I heard Prakash behind me, and he was using words and hand signals to try to tell me that it would be ok if I did not enter the water. But I called back up the steps to him... "I came a *long* way to do this!" And slowly entered the water and submerged. As I came up, I noticed a boat full of tourists ... taking my picture! (Who is that big white lady, and what is she doing in the sacred river with all of the Indian devotees?) I was actually very glad that i had followed through. It was not a transformative experience for me - -but a very good one.

I drank chai by the Ganga daily -- not without a bit of trepidation about the Ganges water - -but I watched the water boiling, so that was ok. I survived my bath in the river. And I stayed healthy for the whole trip.

Prakash drove me to his home on the outskirts of Benares, where I met his wife and his two small children. They lived in a single room, with his mother and other family members living in the other room.

I spent ten happy days in Varanasi, and then left for Agra. Saying goodbye to Prakash was difficult - having him as my driver and guide made a huge difference to me.

First trip to India - 1996

I have studied and practiced Hinduism since the 1980s, and I had dreamed and dreamed of someday going to India. In 1996, I found (to my surprise) that I could actually afford to go! I did not have a playmate for that trip, so I booked everything solo. I'm not so much on moving from place to place (if this is Thursday, this must be Jaipur... ), so I planned on visiting only three cities -- Delhi, Benares, and Agra. This turned out to be an excellent plan.

A friend drove me to the airport, and was impressed that I had only one suitcase and one small carry-on. I told him that I wanted to be mobile, and able to take care of my own luggage. This also turned out to be an excellent plan.

After an exhausting 18 hour plane flight, I arrived in Delhi at 2AM, found my luggage, and headed for the door.... and walked out of the airport into Bedlam. Complete sensory overload -- heat, smells, and above all, NOISE. A rope separates the crowd from the arriving passengers... and behind that rope, an enormous and LOUD crowd of people attempting to get my attention (and the attention of anyone exiting that door!). Each person had an urgent message for me about his hotel, his taxicab, his services. After a few *very* confusing minutes, I spotted a man holding a sign with my name on it. This was an enormous relief -- a note of sanity and familiarity in the midst of utter chaos. (I had prearranged transfers from airport to train station, train station to hotel, etc. for the entire trip. Excellent plan #3.) So my driver whisked me and my bag to his taxi, and drove me to the train station. En route, he handed me an envelope of vouchers for pre-paid elements of my trip. We arrived at the train station, maybe 4:00AM or thereabouts. He took me to the "Ladies Waiting Room," wished me a good trip, and left. (If I have managed to convey a configuration of CRAZY WILD LOUD CHAOTIC suddenly dropping off to very very very quiet, then I have painted that transition reasonably well.)

This part of the trip was not such an excellent plan. Since I planned on spending most of my vacation in Benares, I thought it would make sense to just go directly to the train from the airport. I know now that it makes *much* more sense to go from airport to hotel for one day of rest and recuperation before traveling on... but this was my first trip!

So there I was, in the middle of the night in a train station in New Delhi, all by myself, expecting to board a train to Benares in a few hours. That was the *one* time I seriously questioned my own sanity in thinking I could do this trip alone, without even a tour guide as an anchor. There was NO way I was going to sleep!!! So around 6AM my suitcase and I headed down in the main area of the train station. I found a chai wallah, made my way to the counter, and asked for chai. The chai wallah handed me a cup of hot chai, and I gave him 100 rupees -- I only had 100 rupee notes. He took my note and happily walked away. When I realized that he had no intention of giving me change from that note, I said one of my very few Hindi words - "Nahin! nahin!" Or "No! No!" complete with slapping the fingers of my right hand against my left palm as if to show where the change was expected to be placed. The men at the counter laughed uproariously, and were calling out to the chai wallah. I can imagine that they were saying something like "She's got your number, brother!" With no further ado, he returned to me with my 97 rupees in change from my 100Rs note.

I wonder how many tourists pay 100 rupees for their first cup of tea in India - since at that time 100 rupees was only one dollar and change, it actually would not be an unreasonable price. But the price on the chai walla's stand said 3Rs, and that's what I expected to pay! It was an interesting introduction to commerce in India.

Then off to the train platform... and more chaos. Unbelievably crowded on the platform. Another (shorter this time) moment of concern... then I found my way to the agent who deals with non-Indians, found the list of passengers for my train - and there was my name again!

When the train boarded, someone helped me find my place. I was in a first class sleeper -- four bunks. I have no memory of the other folks in that car -- I was so exhausted by then that I actually slept.

Traveling in India

There seems to be a whole range of ways to experience India. At one extreme, we have encountered people who are seeing India from within a bubble. The worse example: at the Taj Mahal, we noticed a group arriving whose guides were carrying signs "Around the World by Concorde." This was a *wealthy* tour group. And at the Taj, instead of removing their shoes like everyone else in the world, as a sign of respect in a holy place, these folks donned little disposable booties over their shoes. India from a bubble.

I suppose at the other extreme -- folks who see India on a shoestring. It is certainly quite possible to eat well for a dollar or two a day, and to find *extremely* inexpensive places to stay. I'm just too old for that, I think... my backpacking days are far behind me. I've learned that I need to stay in a reasonably good western-style hotel.

Part of the reason for that... I really do enjoy being out and about in India. No bubble for me. I like to wander around on foot, eat in Indian restaurants (not just western-style hotels), etc. But as much as I love India, and love traveling there, I do find it stressful. The body is on full sensory overload much of the time - noise, heat, body contact, dirt, concerns about safety -- and at night, I do better if I can retreat back to a quiet, secure, reasonably comfortable resting place.

One interesting thing about traveling in India - Americans should assume that they will *not* find the various consumables which we take for granted. There is no CVS pharmacy on the block. We deal with this by taking way too much stuff with us. It works out ok - we leave it all there when we leave the country, neatly lined up in the last hotel room - which also leaves more suitcase space to bring home Indian stuff.

Stuff we take:

The obvious stuff -- shampoo, toothpaste, soap, etc
First aid stuff -- bandaids, a couple of bandages, bacitracin, etc
Bug stuff - repellant with DEET, and also bug itch stuff
Sunscreen
For the ladies - any sanitary supplies which even *might* be needed... napkins, tampons, whatever
Medicines -- headache stuff. Pepto-bismol. Immodium. Serious antibiotic - Cipro. Some OTC meds for upper respiratory distress -- sore throat lozenges and the like. (One time I had the *worst* sore throat in India - I thought I might die - could not find *anything* to ease the pain in my throat. Finally did take Cipro -- and either the Cipro worked or the bug had just run its course, but I was better the next day.)
Small packages of tissues
Small bottle of hand sanitizer

For me, one of the absolute essentials - - my "bathroom kit." On my first trip to India, I was in a store, and of course barefoot, having removed my shoes at the door. I asked for a bathroom. the Indian style bathroom would have been a major challenge for me in any case (I was wearing a sari, and using the floor level Indian toilet was... well, actually more than just "challenging.") But what put me right over the top -- the floor was wet, and I have always been very skeevy about bare feet on wet floors -- even *clean* wet floors, like in the shower room near a pool. This was beyond skeevy. So my bathroom kit is right on my person, in my shoulder bag or fanny pack - and includes the following: 1) a pair of thin, disposable slippers - the type one uses in a manicure shop work fine, 2) cleansing towelettes (no tissue paper in Indian-style toilets!), 3) a couple of small plastic bags to hold the towelettes or tissues after use, for later disposal, 4) a small bottle of hand-cleanse gel. This kit is actually very small and compact, and I've only used any of it once or twice - but after that first experience, I feel *much* more secure knowing that it's there and available!

Rules about water and eating...
Before my first trip to India, I had a helpful travel nurse who just *drilled* me on all of the rules about water.
* Bottled water is ok, but YOU break the seal on the bottle
* Other bottled beverages are ok... same rule about breaking the seal yourself
* Water in restaurants.. mostly not ok, stay with bottled
* Fresh fruit is ok ONLY if you can peel the fruit. (I buy a cheap jackknife in India and carry it with me)
* Salads are not ok.
* Food from street vendors is generally not ok... rare exceptions if you watch the food being cooked, and eat it while it is still burn-your-mouth hot.
* Shower water counts as water -- keep your mouth closed, and wipe your face as soon as you turn off the water.
* Ice cubes count as water. No ice cubes.
* Toothbrushing involves water. Use bottled. (If you goof, let the toothbrush dry completely before you use it again. That kills the bugs. I think.)
Any of these rules may be broken in five-star hotels, where all of the water is likely filtered... but it's *always* ok to just follow the rules wherever you are!

We also take one step which some folks might consider "over the top" - we sign up for health coverage with one of the international providers. If you get sick or injured and need care, a call to them will lead to referrals to reputable healthcare providers. And if you get *seriously* sick or injured, they will fly you out of India. We have never actually used their services, and arguably this is an unnecessary expense - but on the other hand, it really does not cost very much, and (for us, at least) provides a goodly amount of peace of mind.

And a suggestion for women travelers.... cover up. This is simply a cultural thing... the American women who are wear shorts and tank tops are not perceived well at all. Lightweight clothing is fine... but long pants (or skirts) and long sleeves. Good solution -- buy inexpensive salwaar kameez suits. The "suit" includes drawstring pants, and a long-sleeved long tunic top, plus a scarf. Really comfortable and easy to wear. (A sari is a bit trickier!) If you are a usual size, and therefore can buy these off the rack in a store, you can really outfit yourself very inexpensively. If you are taller or shorter or heavier... you can have suits made for very little money. The more elaborate suits, with embroidery, etc., are of course more expensive. (And for American women... these salwaar kameez suits work *very* well for dressing up in the US. I have received so many compliments on my various salwaar suits!)

So those are the guidelines that have worked for me - pack all of the care and comfort consumables that you might need; stay in a mid-range (for India!) western-style hotel; be very careful about what you eat, and be careful verging on paranoid about the water; sign up for international health insurance/services; dress comfortably and conservatively.

And stay *out* of the bubble, as much as possible!