I listened to this in the car last night, and was really struck by how strongly it rings true for me:
Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis grace has brought me safe thus far
And grace will lead me home.
I have already come;
'Tis grace has brought me safe thus far
And grace will lead me home.
I have been thankful for the grace flowing in abundance through my life.... but if I had to pick one grace-filled moment, it would be the moment when I was meditating with my teacher and found that my heart had been torn open with light and love. I had that feeling very strongly as a child, but lost it along the way... and after that experience with my teacher, never lost it again. (I wrote about that experience in my first post on this blog.)
The hard part is remembering that we are safe, and grace will lead us home.
One Omkareshwar experience - we drove to Ujjain. As we drove toward Indore, we could see that we were driving into heavy black storm clouds. We spent an incredibly long day of driving and visiting spiritual sites in Ujjain, walking around in heavy rain, including some stressful times walking with bare feet in water and mud and who-knows-what. The sites we visited were really interesting, and Swamiji really knows how to tell a story!, but it was a long day.
The day started at 5AM, fast forward and it's now 6PM, and we are looking at a two+ hour drive back to Omkareshwar, and then a boat ride to the island and home to the ashram. Right around the time we left Indore and headed for home, the storm really ratcheted up. The rain was torrential, and for added dramatics, the storm threw in massive thunder and lightning right overhead, and tree-knocking-down winds. (Did I mention that "It never rains in India at this time of year." Ha.) The road out of Indore is unbelievably treacherous, with switchback after switchback in the two lane road. Now add to that the Indian way of driving, which involves passing everything in your lane by darting in and out of oncoming traffic. (This is nerve-rattling on a GOOD day, in the sunshine, with moderate traffic... ) So there we are, nine souls packed into this SUV, in this terrible storm, darting in and out of oncoming traffic. After about an hour of this, I said to my friend sitting next to me, "Anybody besides me concerned about how we will cross the river in this storm?" Because in a severe lightning storm, one (seriously!) does not want to be in a wooden boat out on a river! We had no backup plan - once we made the decision to leave Indore, we were committed. We were in the middle of nowhere... it was not an option to just change the plan and stop at the Holiday Inn for the night.
So we talked about this on and off for about 45 minutes. We discussed the possibility of walking from the village to the ashram (there is a pedestrian bridge) - but that was not a great plan either. The walk out to the ashram is hilly, with many many sets of stairs - and we were in a pounding rain with lightning, and no flashlights. No overnight options in the village.... and having the nine of us sleep in the car would certainly be less than ideal! We did mention the fact that Swamiji would almost certainly have talked to us about "Why are you worried? Have trust... "
And when we reached the village, the rain began to decrease... and by the time we traveled through the village to the boat dock, the rain had stopped. And the boatwala was right there where he was supposed to be, at the dock. We piled into the boat, and had a most peaceful crossing of the Narmada... black sky with a zillion stars overhead, and a horizon still lit by remote lightning flashes. (I think that for the rest of my life, the term "relieved" will bring back the feelings I had that night as our boat crossed that river.) When our tired little group made it to top of the long set of stairs from the landing to the ashram, three or four hours later than expected... we were met with warm hugs and great relief by our friends Steve and Michele, who had not accompanied us to Ujjain. We all headed for our rooms and washed up... and then one by one, still a little worried, we all found ourselves back at the top of the stairs waiting to greet the other group of friends traveling in another car. They arrived safely about half an hour later.
So. What did we all learn from that experience? My friend said that she learned SO much about letting go and trusting the flow. I wish I could say that I share that... but mostly I learned that I never never ever want to be out in that kind of severe weather, especially on a dark winding road in India! And that thought brings me back here...
Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis grace has brought me safe thus far
And grace will lead me home.
Would it have made a difference if I had been able to trust the flow? Well, on the upside, it certainly would have made the adventure less stressful. (Swamiji would probably have thought that the adventure was fun, but he thinks *everything* is fun!) In the end, we were all (thank you very much, presiding deities) safe and sound, and our worrying had not helped one bit to get us to that state. I don't know. It's hard.
The day started at 5AM, fast forward and it's now 6PM, and we are looking at a two+ hour drive back to Omkareshwar, and then a boat ride to the island and home to the ashram. Right around the time we left Indore and headed for home, the storm really ratcheted up. The rain was torrential, and for added dramatics, the storm threw in massive thunder and lightning right overhead, and tree-knocking-down winds. (Did I mention that "It never rains in India at this time of year." Ha.) The road out of Indore is unbelievably treacherous, with switchback after switchback in the two lane road. Now add to that the Indian way of driving, which involves passing everything in your lane by darting in and out of oncoming traffic. (This is nerve-rattling on a GOOD day, in the sunshine, with moderate traffic... ) So there we are, nine souls packed into this SUV, in this terrible storm, darting in and out of oncoming traffic. After about an hour of this, I said to my friend sitting next to me, "Anybody besides me concerned about how we will cross the river in this storm?" Because in a severe lightning storm, one (seriously!) does not want to be in a wooden boat out on a river! We had no backup plan - once we made the decision to leave Indore, we were committed. We were in the middle of nowhere... it was not an option to just change the plan and stop at the Holiday Inn for the night.
So we talked about this on and off for about 45 minutes. We discussed the possibility of walking from the village to the ashram (there is a pedestrian bridge) - but that was not a great plan either. The walk out to the ashram is hilly, with many many sets of stairs - and we were in a pounding rain with lightning, and no flashlights. No overnight options in the village.... and having the nine of us sleep in the car would certainly be less than ideal! We did mention the fact that Swamiji would almost certainly have talked to us about "Why are you worried? Have trust... "
And when we reached the village, the rain began to decrease... and by the time we traveled through the village to the boat dock, the rain had stopped. And the boatwala was right there where he was supposed to be, at the dock. We piled into the boat, and had a most peaceful crossing of the Narmada... black sky with a zillion stars overhead, and a horizon still lit by remote lightning flashes. (I think that for the rest of my life, the term "relieved" will bring back the feelings I had that night as our boat crossed that river.) When our tired little group made it to top of the long set of stairs from the landing to the ashram, three or four hours later than expected... we were met with warm hugs and great relief by our friends Steve and Michele, who had not accompanied us to Ujjain. We all headed for our rooms and washed up... and then one by one, still a little worried, we all found ourselves back at the top of the stairs waiting to greet the other group of friends traveling in another car. They arrived safely about half an hour later.
So. What did we all learn from that experience? My friend said that she learned SO much about letting go and trusting the flow. I wish I could say that I share that... but mostly I learned that I never never ever want to be out in that kind of severe weather, especially on a dark winding road in India! And that thought brings me back here...
Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis grace has brought me safe thus far
And grace will lead me home.
Would it have made a difference if I had been able to trust the flow? Well, on the upside, it certainly would have made the adventure less stressful. (Swamiji would probably have thought that the adventure was fun, but he thinks *everything* is fun!) In the end, we were all (thank you very much, presiding deities) safe and sound, and our worrying had not helped one bit to get us to that state. I don't know. It's hard.
2 comments:
Dorothy - wonderful description! On the way to Ujjain - we were riding with Swamji and the band and we sang the whole way - two hours of chanting....but at one point they asked us to sing American songs and at one point I broke into Amazing Grace (That same day). A song that has deep meaning to me ever since I improvised an arrangement of it for the Shavasana part of Angie's yoga classes over 3 years ago now. Many times I am on the edge of tears while playing it and very often folks are crying at the end of class. The line that always gets me is "I was blind but now I see".....Another interesting Amazing Grace moment was this Summer when I was playing and improvising a complete 1hour and 1/2 set of live music and chanting with 2 other musicians and at the end the singer started singing "Jai Ma" to my arrangement of Amazing Grace and Everyone in the room starting singing it. One of the most Profound musical moments of my life and you can hear it on Sound Cloud!! Thank YOU.
We were in the car that didn't have the wipers too that day! So we waited for the taxi. While driving that night we saw the only Ambulance I saw in India. Strangely while in India , I had such profound peace and trust. I took a NAP (!) on that ride home, right there with little gopal who was sitting next to me. We were listening to Indian Pop on the radio, I even got teary in the car, in the dark, about leaving India soon. I said to myself, Ma is watching over, I am not driving, so I will have to trust this situation. I let sleep take over, and fell in deep. We did have some similar conversations about the river and the foot bridge, but it all did clear out, and it was the most peaceful boat ride across the Narmada. I think Josh wrote about us singing various versions of Amazing Grace on the ride up to Ujjain that morning. And Swamiji called our taxi during the night ride and said to start chanting "tryambake Yajamahe" the creeper for the ride, and we surely did. I think we have passed through the heart of Ma, and she will be watching over us. But I get a little "woo woo" anyway... Such a lovely blog, Dorothy. Thank you for sharing.
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